I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
