It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
