Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
