Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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