There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize