I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
