When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
