Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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