she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
