what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Blood and glitter go together right?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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