Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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