R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't deserve a penis
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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