This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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