turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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