Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
