I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize