did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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