Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
