The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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