remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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