look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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