I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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