I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
