Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
