I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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