The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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