i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
