i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
