I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
