idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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