I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
