theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
