You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
