just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
