She's JV to your varsity
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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