I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
