mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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