I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
send nudes
from the living room?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
