This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
