so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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