everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
