just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize