Dude my mom stole all your condoms
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Actions speak louder than pants.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
