were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
