**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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