There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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