I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
