you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
