I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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