You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
