I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
