i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
