i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
