She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
