if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Mom said you looked used
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize