Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
