just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
