How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize