You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
