The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
