you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
