if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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