You really coming over, don't trick.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
