Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize