just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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