Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
