it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
