Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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