Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
