ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
