Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
