my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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