My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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