I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
