does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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