Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
