He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you have feelings for this penis?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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