I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
