I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
