if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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