70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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