We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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