dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This house was built for laser tag.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
