he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
