You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
