Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
