Nicole vs. Life
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i now understand why vodka
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
