Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
