Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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