apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
