Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
