sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
