You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize